How ego can ruin relationships and makes loving couples split

couple

4 most common mistakes which drives people apart.

Ego is our outdated survival mechanism. A strong ego, in contradiction to what you might think, means you are fragile and you have a thin skin.

1. Ego makes you lie about your mistakes.
When you make a mistake, as we do, you try to hide it. You blame your spouse, bad weather or other people. This only makes you look worse. When you hear about a similar situation among your friends would you say: Why won't he admit that he/she has made a mistake? It's obvious.

But when it comes to yourself you need to admit that you have suddenly lost that clear understanding. This can be hard to do because it is your EGO that will suffer here.

2. Ego makes fights with your spouse or partner much much worse.
When your spouse or partner says something which hurts you want to hit back with at least equal strength. This usually turns into a negative spiral of blaming, personal attacks, weird and I mean weird justifications for what you have said.

You feel the need to shout louder and louder just so that you can stick your version of what happened into your spouse's or partner's head, and nothing will make you change your mind.

The fight becomes more and more heated and after a while you say things you regret, just because you wanted to hit back. Just because your ego wanted to win. But win what? Like Dale Carnegie said: "You cannot win the argument. When you win the argument you lose a person."

3. Ego makes you jealous.
You feel insecure and cannot be at ease around people. You make scenes because of your jealousy. You behave oddly or even become hostile towards people who you feel threatened by. All this makes you an unattractive person.

4. Ego makes you withdraw from your problems.
You crave significance and attention so you make yourself weak and needy. You want the other person to take care of you.
You want them to come and ask: "Are you OK?" and then you answer "yes". Yet, what you truly want is for the other person to read your mind and know that you're not OK. For them to overcome your resistance and to hug you, say I love you and tell you that everything will be OK.

Don't get me wrong. We all feel weak from time to time and your spouse or partner should care for you and help you to build yourself back up again. But if that happens every time you are acting like a child, only child has to be taken care like this.

You are an adult and you need to fail in order to grow. But it's your duty to know that failing and learning is part of the process. Would YOU like to live as a child or a self-sufficient person?

To summarise:

  • You need to own up to your mistakes, nothing bad will happen if your loved one knows that you are not perfect
  • Don't let your ego take control over your emotions.
  • If you are jealous of your spouse talking to someone else it is better to say nothing than behave oddly.
  • You are enough! You are significant! Do not manipulate others to make yourself feel better – EVER!

Last updated 23.12.2016
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